Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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