Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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