Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
