I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
