Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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