you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
