Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
