Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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