If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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