im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
