did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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