Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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