It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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