How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
