I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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