Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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