well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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