I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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