whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
