i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
