you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
