Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
