Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
