his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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