So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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