I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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