you would pick up someone in the library
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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