i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
