They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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