8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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