He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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