I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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