Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
