Can Purell be used as lube?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
