dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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