he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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