guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
