I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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