Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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