I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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