Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
