Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize