I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
