How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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