Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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