in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
