somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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