i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
