id be glad to
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
