Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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