He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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