I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
