Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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