You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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