There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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