My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
