I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
