Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
