how can u be prego again
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
please don't ironically join a cult
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
