Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
