Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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