I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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