What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
