apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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