It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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