i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
