And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
