I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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