so that wasnt chicken after all
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
