You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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