i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
