I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
