I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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