his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
