Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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