I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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