So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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