Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
