Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
