This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
