If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
