If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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