she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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