We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize